1. Btw, butter + bread in a pan makes perfect amazing toast.

    I love you for this, although that is just one more thing I have to wash. 

     
  2. why i shouldn’t live alone

    today i ate

    • half of a lemon zest luna bar, in the car driving back from beach camping
    • 1 cup strawberry kefir
    • 1 fried egg & one piece of toast, made in the broiler bc i don’t have a toaster
    • 1 scoop coffee ice cream & 1 scoop vanilla ice cream
    • 6 frozen dumplings, microwaved, with soy sauce. ate sitting on the floor with two textbooks as a table.
    • 1 scoop coffee ice cream
    • 1 banana
    • 1 piece TJ’s frozen garlic naan, also cooked in the oven
    • 1 can tuna with vegan mayo, garlic powder, and chili flakes, scarfed down in about 45 seconds at 11 PM
    • 1 scoop coffee ice cream
     
  3. I’m taking this cleanse to the next level. Sugar’s obvious, but there are so many other poisons. Think what we’ve been ingesting over the years…

    (Source: phaust)

     
  4. NO BREAKFAST. Breakfast is a fool’s meal and I would rather be poisoned than eat a single bite of breakfast. Everything about it is baby food except for the vulgar American meats, which seem to have been carved straight off Paul Bunyan’s own ass. Eggs are just a shape, and toast is the reason the British no longer rule the world: too cozy and complacent. I do drink a coffee, though. I’m not going to pretend the Enlightenment didn’t happen.
    — 

    Poet Patricia Lockwood Dreams of Roasted Pturkeydactyls — Grub Street

    please go read this entire beautiful thing because patricia lockwood is a goddamn treasure

    (via synecdoche)

    12 a.m.: Oh no, it’s PMS. You know what this means: I have to eat an entire jar of capers one by one with a shrimp fork, at Midnight.

     
  5. prettylittleliars-onabcfamily:

    She assembled the perfect group…

    I MEAN: 

    (I made this a year ago). 

     
  6. Mallory Ortberg has a voice like an old movie actress. (“Male Novelist Jokes” at the Last Bookstore in LA)

    (Source: youtube.com)

     
  7. so #blessed to have @right_after in my life

    so #blessed to have @right_after in my life

     
  8. (Source: mulder-pls)

     
  9. 8:14pm

    reblogged from: kmnml

    (Source: valkyriebones)

     
  10. we pulled into a concrete public parking lot and drove in ascending circles through darkened rows of empty cars up, up, up, until we were on the roof and this was happening to the sky.

    we pulled into a concrete public parking lot and drove in ascending circles through darkened rows of empty cars up, up, up, until we were on the roof and this was happening to the sky.